I've been doing a lot of self reflection recently - reading a few books by David Hawkins and listening to audio books of all sorts and using Byron Katie's "the work" Perhaps the biggest thing for me in reading these is the realisation that I, although I need it, see money as bad, hard to get, difficult to earn, it requires endless effort and toil. One of the biggest realisations was yesterday (and perhaps even as I am writing this) is that I saw people who had money and I was jealous. Envy, perhaps even hate (to an extent) If I look at people who are wealthy financially and see them almost with a tint of hate and jealousy in my eyes then if I earn financial wealth then I will BECOME that type of person. People will look at me and hate me.
For the car I drive,
for the house I live in,
for the holidays that I go on,
for the lifestyle that I lead.
For me to become more successful financially I want to change this EMOTION, SEE money in a different way. Money is simply a TOOL - like a spade or a fork in the garden or a plate. it is a tool which we have an agreed upon value that we exchange for THINGS. Constantly moving and flowing from one place to another. The money you had in your bank last week is not the same money that is in the bank this week even if the numbers are the same. Some went in, some went out but it is never the same money. Money is not to be jealous of. I'm not envious of your garden fork or your fancy car (maybe a bit, there's still work to be done). It is just a thing. The beauty of this is that you can apply it to any part of your life, whether that be money, INJURIES and PAIN, promotions, work, family life, your brother stole your favourite teddy bear. Whatever it is, this technique can be used.
How to do it. "I can't afford....""I don't have the money for...""rich people are wankers""look at that rich tw@in the BMW" etc Whenever you have a thought or emotion like these, take note of them. If you can deal with it there and then brilliant, but if not just notice that you had that thought and come back to it later. Let's take "I can't afford" as an example. You might have a thought like this... "I can't afford to take my family on holiday this year, we've got to get a new boiler, the car needs servicing and I'm not sure if i'll even keep my job, the economy is so bad right now" Firstly, recognise that you had that negative thought.
Next, break it down a bit. "I can't afford to take my family on holiday this year" (basically the rest is just justifications for the initial statement and can therefore be ignored)
Notice how do you feel? What emotion(s) come up? if it was me, this might be how it goes. I feel like shit, sad, depressed, angry, ashamed, upset, disappointment, hate myself. By NOT booking and going on the holiday I am AVOIDING feeling like this. I don't want to feel shit, sad and angry so I just completely avoid the situation. "and then What?" This is the next question to ask. "I can't afford to take my family on holiday this year....and then....my kids will be disappointed, my wife will be disappointed, she might divorce me, I might have to change jobs, I'm stuck where I am, I'll get into debt that I won't be able to get out of, I CAN'T go back to doing what I did before even though it earns me more money, I can't make enough sales, find enough clients, I might lose my house if I spend this money on a holiday, I might have to move in with my in-laws, they might kick me out and take the kids off me, I'll die alone, angry and sad. What's the feelings? Scared, fearful, afraid, grief, ashamed etc. You can keep asking "and then what?" as many times as you like until you feel like you have explored every option (this might take a while) You can see another "I Can't" came up - fear of going backwards, being wrong about the path I'm on....you can see how this can go on. They all need to be worked through until you become happy that you have challenged them all. Next Step "I can change how I feel""I am willing to accept these feelings""I am willing to change/do....""I want to feel Happy about money""I want to and can afford to go on holiday - this makes me ecstatic, I love going on holiday, I love having time off, I love spending time with my kids and wife, I love going out and trying new things (within reason), what if we have the money, what if it's already booked, what if the weather is fantastic, what if we meet another great family out there, what if the kids have a fantastic time, what if me and my wife have a fantastic time. Before you can truly feel POSITIVE feelings, you should address the NEGATIVE ones first. Create a vacuum for the positive feelings to fall into and fill you up. As I said earlier, you can use this process for any area of your life, any situation, any injury, Any ache/pain or problem. Notice how the weight burden of the negative emotion lifts up off of you and you have more space for positive ones.
I find myself dancing around the house with no music,
singing to myself regularly,
smiling at strangers (without it being weird)
saying hello to people in the street,
developing a better relationship with my wife and kids,
sleeping more soundly,
getting less angry at what used to be challenging situations (getting a 3 year old dressed and ready for nursery everyday can be a grind but I'm getting better at it)
I've only been doing this for a couple of weeks, it's incredibly liberating to be free of some these emotional ties that have been holding me back. Give it a try, it's actually quite fun once you get over the fact that you're going to be digging up some real SHIT from your past that you have buried.